Thursday, 26 January 2012

Exceeding good bullshit

I love a dirty Battenberg, another guilty pleasure of mine. But do you see that Mr Kipling is such a nice guy, that he only uses eggs from happy hens running around in fields? Well shove an egg up my cunt, they also have 100% natural flavours! See that?

As from 1st of Jan this year all UK eggs are free-range or from 'enriched' cages. And this is an EU law. I'm just annoyed that Kipling didn't commit to this decision years ago. Even fucking Wetherspoons and Mac Donald's had the sense to switch to free range eggs well before the ban on 'bad eggs'. But now this fucking twat (Kipling) wants to advertise on his packaging that he uses free-range eggs. What a prick. It's like advertising that his employees don't use drugs. No, its worse than that. If all his employees where drug uses and had now stopped, it would be similar.

Kipling uses 60 Million eggs a year, thats a lot. So the company was commended for the achievement of switching to free-range.

What about all the companies that had the ethics to never to use eggs from battery hens? Where's their fucking award? What about the 50 years of animal cruelty caused by Kipling not using free-range eggs? He deserves punishment.

This reminds me of when Nescafe released a 'Fair-trade' instant coffee alongside its unfair-trade coffee. Just to test the market. Why doesn't a corporation like Nestle have the bollocks to commit to an ethos. Another example is when one of those horrible coffee chains (Costa or Nero I can't remember, they're all the same consistent crap) decided to give the customer the option to make their coffee fair-trade by charging an extra 10p. Just commit you bunch of cunts. 

Oh and I'd say that his cakes are 'exceedingly average' not good. What a dickhead statement anyway. Kipling you prick.

The company says, "Mr. Kipling exists in the hearts and minds of Manor Bakeries' employees and all cake lovers, but not in fact as a real person. He was created over 30 years ago to represent the exceedingly good cakes the company was producing and now encapsulates everything the brand stands for, and personifies what is good about the company - its vision, its values and insistence on quality."

If he was a real person I'd like to punch him in the face and kick Mrs Kipling right in the cunt. 

And beat up their fucking cunt kids.


  1. I couldn't agree more with your message here Captain Egg; why can't these greedy pigs commit? They don't give a flying fuck about ethics, it's all about profits; not happy fucking (African) hens. What is a flying fuck anyway? I think I want one.

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