My Irish Baby

No I don't have a bun in the oven, but I do have a loaf of bread! This soda bread recipe has been perfected over a couple of years and I'm ready to give birth to it's method. 


This bread is so good because it's very quick and easy to make, mainly because you don't have to dick around proofing/proving dough. The other bonus, nobody sells good soda bread! well I can't find it anyway. My grandmother was Irish so I suppose I'm a little proud of my Irish ginger roots and love this un-pretentious style of cookery. This bread doesn't make the best sandwiches, unless it's an open one, but toasted and smothered in lots of butter, topped with a poached egg and there is no need for heaven, you're already there. Also, great for dipping in your Irish stew or Colcannon soup.


Because the bread is scone-ish, you could add other things, like cheese for example. How about Gruyère and Rosemary? A Swiss-Irish baby. Or you could use Guinness instead of milk, but that may have racial connotations.

Makes 1 round loaf or you can put it in a loaf tin or up your ass

300ml milk (none of that skimmed shit, your baby needs a healthy layer of fat)

20ml vinegar

300g flour (plain or wholemeal or a mixture of both)

160g jumbo oats

1 tsp bicarb

1 tsp baking powder (if you don't have this, double the bicarb)

1 tsp dark brown sugar or other sugar

1 tsp of salt

1. Mix the milk, vinegar, salt & sugar in a jug until everything dissolves.

2. Get a tray lined with baking paper or line a loaf tin with baking paper.

3. Sieve the flour into a large bowl. Also sieve the bicarb & baking powder. Add the oats and give a rough mix by hand and then add the milk mixture and give a good mix with one of your hands, holding the bowl with the other.

4. You should create a sloppy wet dough mixture, but don't worry your stupid self, it's supposed to look like placenta.

5.  Using the mucky hand shape the dough into a ball and dust with a little more flour whist it's still in the bowl, then transfer onto the baking tray. Or if you're using the loaf tin transfer the mix into there.

6. Sprinkle the loaf with some more oats and cut a cross shape on the top with a knife. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes at 180 degrees.

The bread is cooked when it has risen and started to turn golden, to double-check it's cooked pick up the bread up with a tea towel and tap the bottom with your fingers and the bread will sound hollow.

Leave for an hour before cutting. Freezes well, but will keep for 4-5 days and toasts like a beautiful fair-skinned Irish baby.

Have fun making babies, and remember, keep them sexy. Who doesn't like a sexy baby?