I'm so proud of being English. But there has been a moment of clarity when it comes to snacks, and I've realised we're just not that great at manufacturing these. This moment came as I scoffed some pork scratching's in the pub the other night, weirdly it was in the Pigs Nose, anyway they were not only grotesquely fatty (nearly half the weight in fat), but lacked flavour. By the way, they were Mr Porky's and he sucks pig prick, but having said that, we're the ones more likely to be eating piggy penis.
There seems to be a trend with American food at the moment with Old Fashioned cocktails crashing into bars along with various American Bourbons, restaurants like Pitt Cue creating a buzz and big shit going down in the bagged snack department. I've heard legends of crisps cooked in lard, that are only sold within a 70 mile radius from where they are made in Pennsylvania. And I hear Grandma Utz are good. Last weekend I had some of these Pretzel Pieces (picture above) by Snyder's Of Hanover and they really blow any English snack out of the water with a bouncing flavour bomb on your tongue. Remember when Phileas Fogg Tortilla Chips were great? That day may return. I also remember when Burt's Crisps were far more interesting. Perhaps there is a gap in the market to create something special in England. When I say special I don't mean a £5 bag of potato crisps that are cooked in olive oil, because they already exist and are a total bag of shite.
I think someone needs to rip these bags of crappy English snacks a new ass hole, and shit in these newly torn ass holes like a mobile shitter. Then in synchronisation we all need to chuck our shit bags at the faces of Walkers and KP snacks and tell them to grow a pair of bollocks to shove in these shit ridden bags with assholes. Then, perhaps then, they will make a snack which is brave and actually has substance.